My fake boyfriend Chuck Bass is pondering something. You see? He has his wonder face on. The thing that he is wondering is this: why is Penelope, the bitchtastic leader of the UES Plastics when Blair has something better to do, like throwing a totally awesome party or being a member of the Non-Judging Breakfast Club or keeping vigilant watch while Dorota skins 101 dalmatian puppies and makes a coat out of them, so powerful that she can kick around Nellie Yuki, who is my all-time favorite marginal GG character, and Hazel, who is my all-time favorite marginal GG character with a Tumblr, yay!?
Okay, but seriously. Penelope sucks. She’s no fun, she’s not smart, she’s not cunning, she’s not interesting, she’s such a Blair-bot it’s ridiculous (headbands WHAT?!), ad infinitum. There are a million reasons why Penelope is the worst. I want to see an episode that is completely centered on Hazel and Nellie’s plan to destroy the evil that is Penelope. I can’t believe she ever had the nerve, THE NERVE, to freeze out Blair Waldorf, at BUTTER OF ALL PLACES THAT RESTAURANT IS SO A YEAR AND A HALF AGO. Also wasn’t her name Hazel last season? I’m just saying. Perhaps I will call her Un-Hazel from now on, to differentiate her from the true blue Hazel that reminds me of Gretchen Weiners and will likely, in the future, rise up to destroy her master.
Even I, who have a pretty low opinion of Little J, think she’s too cool to be hanging out with this clown posse. Penelope must be STOPPED, if only because I am sick of her getting screen time because she is THE WORST EVER. Check it.
Well, Penelope won’t get away with this kind of crap for long. I am always watching, and soon I will sic my boyfriend Chuck Bass on her. He’s in a destroying mood, although you wouldn’t know it from the TOTALLY AWESOME SANTA HAT I got him to wear. Observe:
Happy Holidays from Chuck and I! Penelope, watch your back.