Does anyone else subscribe to GOOP, Gwyneth Paltrow’s weekly email newsletter that is supposed to “nourish the inner aspect”, whatever that gibberish is supposed to mean? You should. It’s HILARIOUS. It’s supposed to be for the common (wo)man, I think, except it’s possible that Gwyneth Paltrow’s idea of the “common (wo)man” is vastly different from, like, my own experience and reality in general. It appears that she thinks what separates herself from the rest of us rubes is that we’re too lazy to eat organic and hire a personal trainer or whatever. Also that paparazzi don’t follow us around all the time, because of course we’re not interesting enough, for that or to have our own weekly lifestyle newsletter. Oh, I’ve been WONDERING what to do with my Christian Laboutin booties! Pair them with $75 tights? To die!
Obvs, this is a true gem of the internets. I subscribed several of my friends without their knowledge. Anyway, today’s GOOP is particularly relevant to this blog because Gwyneth tackles the subject of “amazing, transportive novels.” She’s asked her friends for suggestions, because she prefers forensic pathology documentaries…naturally! (What?) Just kidding, she adds her own favorite books as well–Gwyneth reads, people! She wants you to know that!
It’s pretty much what you’d expect. You’ve got some Tolstoy, some Marquez, some Faulkner, some Hemingway, some Dostoevsky, some Bronte. Fine. Boring, but fine. I’m sure these women really treasure these novels, and what makes me sure of this is that the whole world treasures these novels. They’re classics, DUH. I don’t really need Gwyneth Paltrow to tell me to read Pride and Prejudice, I got that memo in the fourth grade. But the list does have some little secret surprises. Like, did you know that Christy Turlington is pursuing her master’s degree in Public Health from Columbia? I didn’t!
Madonna’s list is probably the most interesting, because she lists The Time Traveler’s Wife (one of my personal favorites), The Bad Girl by Mario Vargas Llosa, and Shantaram by Gregory David Roberts. I’ve never even heard of the last two, hard as that is to admit. What’s funny about that section is that while every other person who submitted a list (without exception, all of these women are not only great readers but also “amazing mothers”) included an explanation of why they loved the novels they chose, Madonna didn’t. Just a terse three-book list. Ha! Oh Madonna, so mysterious. If that woman ever says anything that wasn’t previously vetted by a publicist, I’ll die of shock. Also, Stella McCartney’s (I guess, she only refers to her as “Stella”, but they’re friends right?) aunt Louise loves Alice Munro, and so I love Aunt Louise.
I should start my own similar newsletter, although I suspect this is how it would go:
- Cook: Make a box of macaroni and cheese. Add canned corn. Salt to taste.
- Fashion: Old Navy has these jeans. They’re $29.99 $25.99. Look into it.
- Things to do: Charmin Bathrooms. (Seasonal only)
- Gifts to give: Plush Kidney” or “Avenging Narwhal Playset.”
You guys would read that, wouldn’t you? I hereby swear: unlike Gwyneth, I won’t say anything underminey that basically translates to “You are fat.”
Elsewhere in the celebrity lifestyle bloguverse, The Office‘s Mindy Kaling’s blog is beyond awesome. Check out things i bought that i love when you have a moment.