Childhood trauma revisited

Storytime.

When my brother and I were kids, he had this horrific set of video tapes (tapes! that you had to rewind! I KNOW RIGHT) that he would watch all the time, probably to make up for all the Strawberry Shortcake he demanded to watch as a small child, I don’t know. Anyway, the series was called Inhumanoids, and boy, was it TERRIFYING. At least, it was to me.

Does anyone else remember this series? I don’t know exactly how old we were when it was giving me nightmares, since it was created in 1986 and my brother was born that year, so probably these were old tapes that somebody sensible had returned to Wal-Mart and my dad had bought ten years later on clearance to give my brother ammo to scare the crap out of me with, because that’s how we show love in the Jarzab family.

I had a pretty overactive imagination as a kid, and a sensitivity problem (meaning I was way too sensitive). There was an extensive period of time when I slept with the covers wrapped around my neck or over my head because I literally believed vampires existed and they were evil (pre-Edward Cullen, obvs) and that they would come at any moment to suck my blood. Also, I believed that when you flushed the toilet witches flew out (I always imagine them now as the witches from The Nightmare Before Christmas, but I’m pretty sure this fear predates that movie), so I would close the lid, flush and RUN.

Anyway, so I was also highly suggestible. I really feared these Inhumanoid creatures. They were all pretty scary, but the one that I absolutely could not handle the thought of was D’Compose (judging from the way he spells his name, I’m almost certain that this fiend is European; prove me wrong). D’Compose was awful. He could kill you–basically, make you decompose, geddit?–just by touching you with his finger. I know, right? You’re already quaking. Me too. Actually, Wikipedia puts it thusly: “With the merest touch of his decrepit claw, D’Compose can turn his victims into frightening undead monstrosities (usually enlarging human victims to a gigantic size in the process).” Gross. Don’t touch me, D’Compose.

My brother, because we’re so close and he loves me so much, used to sneak up behind me in the dark and jab me with his pointer finger while moaning, “Dee-com-pose,” in a voice like a creaky step. UGH! Even the thought of it makes me want to cry.

So anyway, after remembering all this childhood trauma, I was like, “I should find a picture of D’Compose to show all my Internet friends the monstrosity which caused all this mortal fear.” But apparently not everything about the eighties has been archived on the Google yet, so an image search yielded naught but this. Prepare yourself for the SHOCK OF YOUR LIFE. Shield the eyes of your children!

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Erm…forgive me, but would it be fair to say that not only does the formerly horrifying D’Compose seem sort of non-threatening, he seems a little bit…cuddly to me? I mean, yeah, okay, giant fangs, claws, exposed rib cage, rotting flesh–I see all these things, too. But, to be honest, he’s really not all that bad. Maybe he’s just misunderstood.

But seriously, D’Compose. Don’t touch me.

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One Response

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