Every body has secrets

How does one follow up a post where they debut their cover for the first time and everybody cheers because it’s just so beautiful thank you so much Delacorte!? One does not. So instead of trying, I’m going to talk about Bones.

Bones is my most recent televisual obsession. I have this thing where I like to watch television while I’m revising, so I’ll do like two pages of revisions and then bounce back to the show and watch five minutes of it, then bounce back to the manuscript, ad infinitum. I think that adds up to more television watched than pages revised, but whatever, it’s my process, don’t hate. I made my way through all the House, Psych, Dollhouse (still not sure about that show), and Monk episodes on Hulu and finally I was like, “You know what? What’s wrong with Bones?”

Nothing, that’s what. Bones is like a poor man’s X-Files, although I take some umbrage at the Emily Deschanel character. Temperance Brennan, I know Dana Scully, and you, my dear, are no Dana Scully. You can love science while also being a human being, Tempe. There’s no way Angela would be best friends with this automaton. Booth, for some reason, I can see liking her, but Angela…I just feel like she’s too cool for that shit.

Anyway. What’s so great about this show? David Boreanaz, duh. And I like procedurals in general. Plus, Hart Hanson worked on Joan of Arcadia for a while and I love that show. But also: everyone else. I was sort of “meh” about Bones for a while, as I watched the first season’s episodes, but then I saw the only second season episode they have on Hulu and I finally gave in to the love in my heart. It’s called “Aliens in a Spaceship”, and the villain of the episode is a kidnapper/murderer called the Gravedigger, because he/she kidnaps rich people and then buries them underground in an airtight container until the ransom is paid. There are so many reasons why this episode is awesome, so I’ll just list them for your convenience:

  • The crime: The two victims were twin teenage boys whose daddy is wealthy. According to their father, they were brats, spoiled and badly behaved, like that’s not his fault but whatever. They died because their father, on the advice of the FBI, refused to pay the ransom. OR SO WE ALL THOUGHT. It turns out that the Gravedigger only meant to kidnap the one boy, but then the other boy interfered, so he had to kidnap them both. EXCEPT: the container he’d procured only had enough air for them to live twelve hours, instead of the usual twenty-four hours, which meant that the boys died before their father could have raised the ransom even if he intended to. FURTHERMORE, there was a lot of blood in the container (a beer vat), inconsistent with any injuries that the team could at first see from the skeletons, UNTIL Zack figured out that one of the twins committed suicide by stabbing himself in the jugular with a pen and bleeding to death, in the hopes that his death would leave enough air for his brother to survive until he could be rescued. Heartbreaking and sad, but redemptive–also, pretty awesome detective work, squints!
  • The fallout: Brennan gets kidnapped by the Gravedigger! Which would be FINE BY ME, but then Hodgins gets involved and the Gravedigger runs him over with a car and then buries him in the ground with her. So they’re buried in Brennan’s car (?) underground, and the only have a few assets and they have to use science to save themselves because nobody’s paying the ransom per FBI policy. Meanwhile, they’ve only got twelve hours of air.
  • The confession: While down underground, Hodgins believes he’s going to die either of suffocation, the shock/pain of the compartment syndrome caused by the Gravedigger hitting him with the car, or the shock/pain of the impromptu surgery Brennan performs on him without anaesthesia (“or empathy”, Bones makes sure to note) to relieve the compartment syndrome . So Hodgins makes a sweet, sobbing confession–he’s in love with Angela, “over the moon, stupid in love” with her. He writes her a note in case he dies, and when they are rescued Angela kisses him. TJ Thyne is so great in this episode. The best scene is his scene with Angela at the end, when he’s in the lab and refuses to go home and go to sleep, because he’s afraid that if he closes his eyes, the next time he opens them he’ll be back underground in that car, running out of air. And Angela tells him to come home with her, that she’ll be there when he does open his eyes and he can take comfort in that. ADORBS!

Anyway. So. That’s when the show officially got me, and now I have! to! watch! every! episode! right! now! The show gets even better in the third season, when John Francis Daly (Sam Weir from Freaks and Geeks) joins the regular cast as Dr. Sweets, a psychiatrist employed by the FBI to be totally awesome and steal every scene. The only thing is, he’s twenty-three; for him to be a psychiatrist, he’d have to be a G-E-N-I-U-S and also have started undergrad at age fourteen. Implausible, I say, but fine, I love him, welcome to the show you sparkling gem of a man.

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