Epic Day of Fail (Reprise)

Thankfully, yesterday wasn’t filled with quite as much FAIL as the day before. I did end up “fixing” my iPod, and I put “fixing” in quotation marks because it is not really fixed, it just has less problems than it did before.

I made a huge mistake. I looked at the picture of the product I had ordered from the iPod fixing Internet store and I noticed that there was no hold button on it. And I says to myself, I says, Crap. They’re sending me a new one, but it’s just going to be the same thing I ordered before, meaning that there would be no hold button. Because, you see, you can actually take apart the hold button and install the replacement headphone jack into your current hold button. This might be easier to understand with visuals:

This is the product that actually came in the mail on Wednesday. See the big thing that looks like an audio jack? That’s the audio jack. See that little rectangular piece of practically nothing directly across from the audio jack? That goes inside the hold switch. Below is what I thought was the product I was getting:

Now, it’s flipped around but it’s basically the same, except instead of a little dinky piece of nothing, that little dinky piece of nothing is inside a new hold switch. AND THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN SO MUCH EASIER TO INSTALL. But because I thought that, although I originally thought I got the product in the first photo erroneously and called and had them send me a replacement, I then realized that the first photo is the photo that was next to the product I actually ordered. So I got the piece I ordered, and I assumed they’d just send me another one that was just like it.

Sigh. This might have been somewhat avoided if I hadn’t found instructions on the website I purchased the replacement jack from that told you how to take apart your hold button and install the new jack into it. So I thought that was what I had to do. I WAS SO WRONG, INTERNET. SO WRONG.

Because today, when the replacement of the replacement came, guess what? It had a hold switch on it! Just like the second photo above. But yesterday I “fixed” my iPod by installing the audio jack I’d already received, ruining my hold button in the process (it no longer works). Additionally, although I can now hear clearly out of my audio jack (it used to fade in and out or completely stop working if I didn’t jam the headphones in properly and hold it in such a way that it never moved even half a millimeter in any direction), I can still hear out of only one headphone. But get this: it’s a different headphone than I used to be able to hear out of! I used to be able to only hear out of the left headphone, now I can only hear out of the right headphone. Do you know what that means? It means that the problem is probably not the audio jack, it’s the motherboard, which I cannot fix myself and would never attempt to. ARGGHGHGH. And now I have this extra audio jack/hold switch I don’t know what to do with, because I’m definitely NOT reopening my iPod and installing this new one even though it would fix my hold switch problem.* TOO MUCH WORK.

But, please, learn from me, dear friends. Do not try to repair your own iPod, especially if the problem is with the audio jack. Just don’t do it! There are places online that will do it cheaply and quickly, although I cannot vouch for the quality of the work.

Still, although I got a lot of help from Sunil and also did not end up really fixing my iPod in the way that I meant to fix it, I opened it, installed the audio jack, and closed it without damaging the hard drive or the battery or anything pertinent (okay, I did damage the hold switch, but that could not be avoided and is mostly not a big deal). I still have all my music, and even though I’m having to adjust to only hearing out of the right headphone after a year of only hearing out of the left one (it changes how the songs sound, and not always in a good way), my iPod is still arguably functional AND I got to see what it looks like inside, so I’m calling this a WIN.

I still don’t know what comes next in my new WIP, though. Working on it!

*Seriously, you guys, I totally jerry-rigged my iPod. I used a screw from an eyeglass repair case to affix my hold button to the backing case just enough so that I could close the damn thing without having it all fall apart! Hey, at least the battery still charges, which was a major concern for me, since I stuffed it in there and couldn’t tell if I’d reconnected it correctly.


Epic day of FAIL

Blurgh. Yesterday? Such a FAIL day. Nothing appeared to be going my way. I have to admit, I don’t really get in a funk that often. I mean, things bother me all the time–people being stupid on the subway, long lines at the bank, emails telling my bank account has dipped below $50 a week before payday–but I never seem to get down about them for too long. Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe I’m grumpy all the time, but I don’t feel like I am. Usually, I feel like, if you asked me to rate my life on a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being THE WORST and 10 being TOTALLY AWESOME, I would probably put myself in the 5-6-7-8 range on an average day. Which isn’t too shabby.

But yesterday, oh my, for some reason, even though the things that happened weren’t that big of a deal, I just got so down about it.

First, my iPod is broken. Actually, it’s been broken for about a year now. I distinctly remember the headphone jack starting to crap out when I was in California last October on an extended unemployment holiday. I was taking my dog, Val, for a walk and then the audio on my iPod started going in and out. I thought it was the headphones, which were those cheap gummy kind JVC makes in a frillion different jelly bean colors that I hated that I ended up buying AGAIN about six months ago because they were $10, so I threw them out. It was not the headphones. It was the audio jack on the iPod. Eventually, it just settled on being broken so that I couldn’t hear out of the right headphone. That’s the way it’s been for a year until a few weeks ago, when it started getting crappy again, this time in both ears, and I’ve had to really jam the headphones in there to even get any sound out and I have to carry it very carefully so that the audio doesn’t kaput on me.

Okay, broken iPod. So, I let the Internet convince me that I could fix the problem myself–just order a new headphone jack/hold switch online, pop open the iPod, install the new jack, problem solved. NOT SO, my friends, not so.

A. Who knew an iPod was so damn hard to open? It’s a Herculean task. My friend Sunil finally got it open with the help of about three of those green “non-marring pry tools” they sent me (i.e. little green plastic things that are supposed to help you open it but have no leverage because they are made out of soft plastic that is supposed to not damage your iPod but instead prevents them from doing their job).

B. Immediately when we opened the iPod, two tiny black screws fell out. I would later discover that those screws are supposed to hold in the audio jack. So, who wants to be that my problem isn’t the jack, it’s the fact that the screws had come undone? But I bought the new jack, you know I was going to use it.

C. Trying to replace your iPod’s screen (like my friend Mary did herself) is one thing; futzing around with the intestines of your iPod is probs not a good idea for a rank amateur. I don’t THINK I caused any damage, but there’s really no way of knowing. I followed the instructions, that’s all I can say.

D. I got the headphone jack removed and went to put the new one in and…it’s defective! Excitement. On the 30G iPod video 5G, the headphone jack and hold switch come in one piece, so you have to replace them together. Fine, whatever, except the one I had ordered didn’t come with a hold switch. So I couldn’t even fix the iPod yesterday and it’s sitting in my desk drawer at work in pieces and that made me feel really pathetic and small for some reason. The place I ordered it from promised to ship me a new one yesterday, but I probably won’t get it until tomorrow.

Okay, so if that wasn’t FAIL enough, I went home and decided to make some pasta for dinner. Except that I have a very tiny kitchen, so my strainer, which has a long handle like a saucepan instead of two handles, one on each side, like a reasonable strainer, sits on my stove in a frying pan when it’s not in use. I was boiling water right in front of the strainer and the metal handle got too close to the steam rising up from the boiling water and of course, because it is METAL, it heated up and so when I went to pick up the strainer to put it over the sink of course it was very very hot and I burned my hand. I ALWAYS DO THIS WHY WON’T I LEARN. Man.

And then–you guys, this is not over, the FAILing–I was cleaning a wine glass and it broke because it’s from IKEA and made from glass as thin as fairy wings, apparently, and a jagged shard sliced up my hand. And I was bleeding so much and had to put on several Band-Aids, one-handed, to cover the cut up and after I’d doused it in anti-bacterial wash (Band-Aid makes a really great ouch-free kind, BTW) and afixed all the bandages I just wanted to sit down on the floor of my bedroom and cry and cry and cry.

But I didn’t. I went into the kitchen, threw away the wine glass, took the trash out, went to the store to buy toilet paper because we were out, came home and called a friend to share this EDoF. Seriously, she answered the phone and it all came tumbling out, “My iPod’s broken and I burned myself making dinner and I sliced my hand open on a broken wine glass…and I can’t figure out what comes next in my new book!”

And it is thus that I discovered my real problem.